Did someone say tacos?


…The Mortal Kombat Party is this Friday, you are cordially invited. You can bring a beer or ten, if you wish. Be there or be square. 

In the words of my pal Masters; I don’t party with amateurs. . 


That ‘joke’ would work if it insulted us in the slightest. That old man really loved her so I guess she was like him, which makes me indifferent.

Accurate? I don’t see how it’s accurate in the slightest. Our attack on you and your pathetic ‘friends’ before we got here got one of yours killed, we can tell you that Carnage over there enjoyed cracking that neck of that metal arm guy. Don’t worry, when we get out of here, because we WILL do that, you’ll be the first hit on out list, over and over again. We’ll kill you in so many ways, clown.


Yeah yeah split personality schitzo I get it buddy. Anyone tell you that act grows old real fast? See a shrink, geez. 

You didn’t kill him bozo. Far from it. Now you’re behind bars and you know what, I find that funnier than clowns so. Yep. Funny guy- haha! 


No one. No one that ah know of anyway. Now can ya answer tha question? This is serious! Ah’ll take away your tacos if you don’t answer mah question!


What was the question again? I forgot, I was too distracted by - … DON’T TAKE AWAY MY BABIES ROGUE! 


You know, it’s a wonder you’re not a radio announcer or something. If people could get over the fact that you don’t make sense half the time I think you could pull off a Pool’s Corner during the rat race.

Also, ew. But if you go zombie hunting I want in on this. 

SPIDEY! Ey, come on, you know you’d love my radio show. Pools Corner? That sounds cheesy by even your standards, how about Wades Words? See, alliteration there?! You impressed? 

I know! We could go zombie huntin’ in Texas, and get some steak there too - I watched Man vs Food the other day and I hear they make a mean stake. well, not mean literally, but it could be ZOMBIE MEAT. 


Aside from the fact that they still accept members. Which makes them a present thing and therefore not beyond my time?

Yeah, I’m starting to think that you’re just jealous of my awesome powers. Which is a shame, because I was perfectly willing to invite you to the next Mortal Kombat Party I was going to host. Bet you’re just jealous that I could obliterate you at that game. Or Tekken, I am THE LORD of Tekken. Or maybe it’s the fact that I could probably take you in a fight? No weapons, just hand to hand. I’m stronger and more resilient than you’d think. 

Oh, go cry some more, we’re talking anyway. Because if there are zombies (which is really all I wanted to know - it’s a simple yes or no question, what do you actually have to lose from that?), then I can help you deal with that. Enthusiastically so. Because ZOMBIES. 

You even mention that you can beat me at Mortal Kombat and I’ll show you what a fatality is in real life, first hand, kid. 



I ain’t a mutant dumbass. Born a human unlike YOU. 

I always thought you wanted to join the X-Men, though? It at least means that you’re a human with powers who has tried to associate themselves with mutants/mutant culture. So you’re not a mutant, but you have powers anyway, and I’ve always been confused as to why mutants get a bad rep but other powered people don’t?

You didn’t answer my question, though. About the zombies or the hating skrulls thing. I doubt I’ll get an answer either way, but whatever. I’m not normally an irritant, but I can be…

…or we could make peace and watch a movie or something?

The X-men are beyond your time, kid. And I ain’t gonna compromise any information talkin’ to a god damn skrull… Thing.  


Seriously, I was just asking. I think I missed a joke there, and who knows what bits of your talks are jokes and which ones aren’t. Because if there are literal zombies, then I wanted to know about it, and you’d be the only person to really know, probably. If there are literal zombies, I want in. That’s all.

Why all the anti-skrull stuff? I get the whole invasion thing, and that being something that no one likes (seriously, I was there, it wasn’t fun), but I haven’t done anything to you. Aside from maybe being an irritant, but that’s not on purpose. Besides, if it weren’t public knowledge that I was half-skrull, you would probably have assumed I was a mutant like you, and been all happy about it. 

I ain’t a mutant dumbass. Born a human unlike YOU. 


Hulkling? That’s the only Skrull related kid we have here, as much as I’m aware..Maybe I should conduct a personal survey then. You’re right there, I always have them playing when I work downstairs, I should get you your own radio show if that’s going to keep you away from the gardens and the squirrels in there.

I would go as far as say that I know what it feels like as much as John Lennon does,but anyway. Say, this kid is obsessed with you? Wilson,it’s a kid,you’re an adult, remember? So,do you want me to teach him a thing or two about respecting his elders?


Why’s he called Hulkling anyway? He ain’t Skar or anythin’ like Hulk. 

Bah, the kid ain’t nothin he’s just like a fly on my windscreen, so do I have your permission to slice and dice? Teach the Deadpool way? 

You gonna get me my own radio tower? REALLY STARKY? YOU AIN’T LYIN? That means I can get rid of that pirate stuff I was sold back in 1990. Suh-weeeeeeeeeet! But I ain’t gettin’ rid of the eyepatch. 



What do you mean,Wilson? Didn’t we have enough of them already?

To be honest though, after the whole..what was her name again..Isabel?Yeah, that Skrull fiasco, I’m still on high alert.


You got one running about in your school! That YA kid who won’t stop botherin’ me. Seriously Starkilicious, I was mindin’ my own business - doin’ my PSA, as you do - I’m sure you’ve heard em. Hell I see your name as my number one listener on my podcast. ANNNYWAY, yeah - the kids obsessed with me. 

Now I know you don’t know what it’s like to have obsessive fans but help a brutha out here.